Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
