I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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