I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
