these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
