I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We left an ass print on the piano.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
