dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
