You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
