Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Someone shit on the floor
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
