The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
