I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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