No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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