you turned your livingroom into a bong?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I wish you could order shots online.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
