after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
