Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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