he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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