Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
