Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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