Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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