i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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