i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
