Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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