I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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