im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Green mimosas i think yes
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
