We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
