this just has baby written all over it
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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