I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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