Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
