i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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