anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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