real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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