do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
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