She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
