I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
