The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
