where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
