well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize