Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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