how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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