I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
