the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
