just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Dick very happy bro
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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