I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Panties = found
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