I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
