the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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