She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
