i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
