Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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