Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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