turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
