Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
third nipple confirmed
Come share oat with me in your robe
pray to the hookup gods
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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