So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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