I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
