So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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