but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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