I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Enjoy the penises
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
