no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
